


Do I always smile like that if you're around?

by sunshinejade



Series: asynchronous [1]
Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: 96 line friendship, 99 line friendship, Coworkers - Freeform, M/M, confused Seungyoun, implied weishin, mentioned Kim Sihun, mentioned Lee Jinhyuk, unexpected feelings make seungyoun awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 01:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20555891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinejade/pseuds/sunshinejade
Summary: He's being strange so Hangyul is distancing himself, Seungyoun needs to fix this before their friendship is ruined. But the younger makes his brain short circuit, so did he really fix it?..because I need an excuse for all the one-sided love going round





	1. why do I feel so bitter, when I'm getting what I want?

**Author's Note:**

> Seungyoun has been avoiding Hangyul and lately, it's been working. Maybe that's how he understands he needs to get a grip and stop being stupid.

They should be sleeping.  
It’s been their second fan-sign event today and although they got home hours ago, Seungyoun was still in his formal clothes; far too tired to do anything and after all that food they inhaled for dinner he was slowly going into a food coma.

Wooseok on the other hand, had just gotten out of the shower and now he was sitting on the floor, head resting on the side of his own bed, texting.  
Seungyoun didn’t even need to ask him who was on the other hand - _Jinhyuk_ \- most probably, because who else could be willing to have a serious conversation past midnight.

He could sense his friend trying to hold a giggle or a scoff, or maybe a little bit of both.  
He could imagine the smirk on his face while pressing almost violently the letters on the screen.  
_Well, maybe not serious but still, a conversation._

Seungyoun was lying face down on the bed, lowkey feeling guilty about robbing Wooseok of such a comfortable resting place. To be fair, he did ask Wooseok if he wanted to share and was answered with a pillow thrown at him.

[_I’m not texting Jinhyuk while you try to cuddle, Seungyoun. He spent two hours questioning the depth of our friendship, after that little stunt you pulled at the _ShowCon_._ He laughed at this and again he was gifted with a pillow straight to his face]

Perhaps he should grab his phone too, text a friend or something.  
_Not Kino,_ he decided, _he’s on tour and he wouldn’t pick up the phone, not Vernon he’s tired from the concert, Jimin is the wisest choice but he’s not sure he’s in the mood for a serious talk. Nathan is still up, maybe…_

Seungyoun shook his head and tried to get his same-age friend to pay attention to him by giving him a soft nudge on the head with the foot.  
“Ew. Your head is wet…” he squealed retracting his foot as if it touched something poisonous.  
“That’s what happens when you shower, Seungyoun.” Replied his friend in monotone, not bothering to look up.  
“Also don’t touch my hair with your dirty foot.”

He glared at Wooseok fully knowing it didn’t make much of a difference since the other was still ignoring him completely. So being him, he nudged his friends with his foot for a second time… and a third, and a fourth, and a-

Eventually his friend threw his head back, sighing, finally standing up from the floor. Seungyoun smiled at him, glad that being annoying could be productive at times, but when the other smiled back he realized he was receiving the _Woosatan_ smile and not the regular one.

“Go. Wash.”

_Traitor_, he thought as he got violently shoved off the bed.

“I can’t.” He replied with a teasing smirk. “Seungwoo hyung and I swapped our shower time with the kids to make sure they actually clean themselves before sleeping. I’m literally the last in line now.”  
His answer came out in breathy laughs as he tried to put some resistance against the surprisingly strong shoves the other gave him.  
“Just let me stay here, I’ll be good. Pinky swear.”  
Wooseok was still trying to push him out of the room, chuckling when Seungyoun maniacally waved his pinky finger in the air.

“Your room has literally been voted as the best room, go wait for your turn in your own bed. I’m sure the kids are already there, anyways. Night, Younie.”

Somehow the smaller boy managed to get him out and shut the door in his face whispering: “And remember; he may be slow sometimes, but he’s not completely oblivious.”

He felt his smile falter at that, both touched and irritated that Wooseok could easily read past him and his easygoing smiles.

*

He stood there for a few seconds, simply staring at the door trying to choose which way to go.  
It was either the living room or try his luck in his room…  
He thought about going to play with the maknae line, but he quickly scratched that option. Dohyon was showering and probably so was Dongpyo. Hyungjun, Minhee and Junho had hit the sack before midnight and, by the sound of it, it seemed like Eunsang was still on video chat with Sihun.  
_I could go bother _Eunsang_ and say hi to _Sihun_, I haven’t heard from him in a while_, he reasoned.  
But it was a lie counting he had seen the younger kid in the backstage, right after their debut concert.  
_ Plus I should give time to Eunsang to talk to his hyung, god knows he’s still uncomfortable talking to me about his struggles._

He was about to sprint to the couch, but from the hallway he could see the light of the tv and hear some cheesy background music, broken every few seconds by loud yet shy giggles.  
Their tv has been set on dramas for the past month, with Yohan (and Hangyul) in front of it eating chips.  
Slowly, Seungyoun decided to retreat to his room.

_ Maybe I really should call Nate to see what he’s up to.  
_ At that, a treacherous part of his brain told him to stop looking for a distraction to avoid planning how to avoid a certain someone.

He entered with eyes closed, trying to breathe in slowly and feeling the tiredness of the day sink in. Without further ado, he plopped not so gracefully on his bed, groaning and thanking god Hangyul was busy in the living room with his 99-line friend. (He chose long ago to completely disregard that part of him that felt a little offended that his own roommate had spent the whole week watching dramas on the couch with Yohan or in the latter’s room).

_I can’t really say anything, though._ He thought, letting out another dragged groan.  
_ Not when I’m the first one who’s avoiding him. _Also_, it’s better if he’s there. It’d be kinda tense if he was he-_

“That tired, hyung?”

It took a lot of self-control to not yelp in surprise. In fact, Seungyoun was pretty sure he did let out a strangled cry, needing a second more than usual to find his composure again.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

Taking in the sight of his roommate, Seungyoun wondered how he didn’t notice him there, how he didn’t feel his presence from miles away.

Hangyul was casually lying on his bed, back on the wall, hair wet and laptop on his legs.  
Seungyoun noted that just like every other day the younger had decided to forgo any kind of upper-body coverage. In a second, the older boy found himself hyperaware of the fact that they were alone together, which in itself was stupid given that it was obvious being his sole roommate. But still, suddenly he truly regretted ever leaving Wooseok’s room.

To say that things were kind of awkward with Hangyul was an understatement and what made things worse was that first he knew he had no actual reason to be tense around him and it was all in his head, and second he knew it was mostly awkward on his part with the younger only ever feeling flustered because of Seungyoun’s unusual behavior. He wanted to blame it on the internet, really, though he knew it was mostly his fault for short-circuiting after reading what people thought about the two of them together.

Before going online he had never really noticed how much he seemed to be around Hangyul. But apparently, it was quite a hot topic on Twitter.

Sure, he knew they were together a lot.  
Seungyoun was the one who asked Hangyul to be roommates - _yeah because we were roommates a lot during pdx101, we know _each other's_ habits_ \- and it always made him smile how people would always associate his being with the younger.  
Like when everyone knew that Hangyul wanted to seat next to him in the bus, or how Seungwoo would always ask Seungyoun where the other was the rare times they weren’t together or how whenever he would suggest something to Dohyon, their maknae would give for granted that he meant them _and Hangyul_.

He also wasn’t a stranger to shipping, people tended to do that a lot when a bunch of attractive boys spent all of their days together. It had happened back when he was in UNIQ, and it made sense that it was happening with his new members as well.  
He found it funny that people freaked out when he was close to Wooseok and actually enjoyed leading them on (much to Jinhyuk’s dismay) and he wasn’t bothered in the slightest when he read that apparently he and Seungwoo were meant to become X1’s parents and get married. And truth be told he had scoffed at first and chuckled quite loudly when he saw some of the fan art that people drew of him and Hangyul. Still, when he found himself on the Seungyul tag on Twitter he couldn’t deny that there was something unsettling in the amount of footage that people collected of them.  
_ \- Were we really that attached by the hip during practice?_ \- at first, watching all the fan-made videos he could feel his smile grow bigger at their goofy and barefaced madness during producex101  
_\- Do I always smile like that?_ \- He asked himself fully knowing that yes, he did.  
_\- Does Hangyul always look at me like I puke rainbows?_ \- again he already knew the answer and suddenly his smile was more confused than happy.  
But what he found strange the most was the compilation of all the different angles of the night of the final.  
Seungyoun was not surprised at remembering that night vividly, it had been the most nerve-wracking 4 hours of his life, but he was slightly taken aback with how he still remembered how it _felt_ when Hangyul’s name was announced.

He remembers feeling overwhelmed and happy and so damned proud because he knew that Hangyul deserved to seat on that damn sofa.  
It was still fresh in his mind how he didn’t really think about climbing up the steps to hug him because it was Hangyul and Hangyul would just come to him naturally.  
He remembers the way the younger boy had excitedly whispered to him _‘Hurry up and come_’ because if he debuted might as well debut with his favorite hyung.  
He remembers looking for Hangyul’s eyes walking up the stage after being called.  
He remembers how he could carelessly climb up those intimidating high stairs talking to the others, not paying attention to where he was putting his own feet because he could feel the strong grip that Hangyul had on his trembling arms.

_I’ve come to trust him, care for him. So what?_ He had hoped that telling himself that would have been enough, but he was wrong.

And after that things between the two roommates became strange. Seungyoun would catch himself naturally gravitating around Hangyul and would blame it on gravitating around Dohyon, but then their maknae switched to hanging with Eunsang and still Seungyoun was always around his roommate and not with the new cute duo.  
He would take a second longer to react at his friend’s jokes, often too worried about unconsciously looking at the younger boy with shining eyes.  
He would still mess around with him when all 11 of them were together but run after Wooseok or the kids as soon as people started going their own ways.

Seungyoun couldn’t call it avoiding per se, after all, they were still roommates.  
And it wasn’t like he suddenly disliked being with Hangyul. Quite the opposite, he simply couldn’t understand when he had started to enjoy his company so much that it literally showed through his entire body language.  
But with all the self-questioning he did he slowly started to feel tense anytime they were alone together, which (not for lack of trying) still happened quite a lot because - _bless his innocent soul_ \- Hangyul seemed unaware of Seungyoun’s inner dilemmas.

_Well, maybe not so unaware anymore_. He thought a little bitterly.  
Seungyoun couldn’t blame him.  
After a week it was clear that Seungyoun’s strange behavior wasn’t a small, stressed phase and slowly but surely Hangyul started looking for his hyung less and less.  
He would still try and joke (it had become natural after 6 months of knowing him), lately preferring to tease and bicker with the older boy hoping to get a kick out of him, but Seungyoun felt hyperaware of that too and always missed the beat to properly fall back to their usual pace.

It wasn’t surprising when he noticed how even Hangyul seemed more relaxed if there was someone else with them and it was even less surprising (though definitely more upsetting) hearing Seungwoo ask Yohan and not him where Hangyul was.

Now 20 days after their fallout - not that he was counting - things were kinda settled and they were alone only around this time of the day, before going to sleep. It left him with a sour taste in his mouth.

Needless to say, he avoided both Twitter and the fan cafe for a while, afraid it would undermine another relationship or worsen his unsteady one with Gyul, but mostly scared of getting even more confused.

*

The root of his problem moved in the corner of his eye, placing his laptop on his pillow and turning around quite loudly.

Only then, Seungyoun noticed he had been staring at their wall for a good 5 minutes.  
He got up from his bed trying to understand what to do in order to seem less lost in his own room and in the end, he ended up sitting in front of his computer, playing random notes on the synthesizer.

Having his headset on made it easier because at least now he had a justification for not starting a conversation, it had worked for two weeks now and Seungyoun had become accustomed to working on music every time he was left alone in the room with Hangyul. 

Still every once in a while the latter would turn his laptop towards him to make him look at something or try to draw his attention.

Tonight's topic apparently was the fan sign they just had and Seungyoun didn’t have to feign interest or fake a smile.  
He had genuinely missed those events and seeing his fans, new and old, had made him giddy with excitement.  
So he became a little less tense even if every few minutes Hangyul would demand his attention to show him a video of Eunsang talking to fans or Hyungjun trying out headbands and before he knew it he found himself sneaking glances at his roommate’s laptop to get a glimpse of the fan taken pictures.  
After a while, he noticed that Hangyul had stopped showing him anything at all, but was now glued to the screen sometimes chuckling, sometimes scoffing at what he saw. 

Peeking every few seconds Seungyoun noticed that the dancer was now scrolling through a series of pictures of sticky notes - _fan questions_ \- he thought.  
Something about Hangyul looking at those questions bothered him and he tried to recall if he had answered anything malicious or ambiguous.

A few minutes later he saw Hangyul’s head snap in his direction as the boy let out a small huff.  
Seungyoun looked at him and he could swear he saw a touch of hurt in his eyes, but in a moment it was gone, replaced with amused disbelief.

_What?_ He thought, raising an eyebrow.  
The boy just shook his head and angled his laptop away so that Seungyoun couldn’t look at the screen.

Weeks of tension and he could still read him so very easily, catching how his chuckles didn’t sound quite as genuine as they usually did.  
Before he could actually ask Hangyul what had gotten into him, his roommate jumped off the bed, gave him a tight-lipped smile and left the room without uttering another word, his steps lacking their usual confidence.

Seungyoun thought of simply letting it go, not sure if Hangyul sudden mood drop was anything to worry about.  
But something simply felt off and somehow he just knew it was his fault…

He felt like an amateur boyfriend, fully knowing he made a mistake but too stupid to get what.  
He froze in his seat as his mind processed the words _boyfriend_, _Hangyul_ and _mistake_.

_Wrong comparison, Seungyoun, _He admonished himself. _You make it sound like you think of Hangyul as a potential boyfriend and that’s nor really what he means to you_. Seungyoun felt his forehead furrowing more.  
_That’s not what he means to you… means. Means. MEANS!_

Throwing out the wind his promise to stay out of social media unless for posting pictures, his hands flew to the laptop closing all the tabs with his work on and lost what little he had managed to produce. He quickly opened Twitter and typed ‘ X1 fan-sign’.  
He scrolled over numerous pictures of Dohyon in cute hats and posts of people losing their minds over blonde Minhee. Soon after he found a thread of fan questions, his eyes scanned all of them almost too quickly.

Dongpyo liked Seungwoo more than ice cream, chicken feet, and Captain America.  
The ShowCon had been the happiest moment ever for Hyungjun.  
Wooseok got teased by Junho the most and vice versa.

Seungyoun kept scrolling past things he already knew about his teammates.  
_ Yeah, I know I’m the most mischievous member, Seungwoo-hyung_. He thought almost losing patience and most definitely starting to get panicky.  
_I just need to find it,_ He repeated in his mind. _I need to know if I’m right; if he really saw it._  
Part of him didn’t want to find that damn question, tell himself Hangyul wasn’t disappointed only tired and that his stupid little joke hadn’t backfired.  
But he knew better.  
Checking that answer was nothing if not begging to be posted online. And with how much monitoring his younger friend had been doing he knew that if it was online, Hangyul most definitely saw it.

And there it was.

At the very end of the thread with a big all caps caption that read ‘TOP10 ANIME BETRAYALS’.

Q. What is Lee Hangyul to Cho Seungyoun?

**X. Coworker**  
\- Person  
\- Roommate  
\- Lover  
\- Other

Seungyoun wanted to dig himself a grave, feeling like if things with Hangyul were going slightly bad before now they were going straight downhill.

That’s when it got even worse ‘cause people had replied to that post and the all-rounder literally felt his heart shrink and sting from regret when he read on.

“Wow, co-workerzoned.”  
“It was all a lie.”  
“Time to ship Seungseok / Yohangyul.”  
“The seung in Seungyul stands for Han SEUNGwoo.”

The last one was the final blow that came with a picture of the same sticky note, but not quite.

“It’s even funnier if you see the difference… SEUNGYUL is canceled.”

Q. To Lee Hangyul, Cho Seungyoun is?

**X. Coworker **  
**X. Person **  
**X. Roommate **  
**X. Lover**  
\- Other


	2. You make me smile all silly, but maybe it's okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoun fixes it, he thinks.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _

That was the only thing he could think of as he softly hit his forehead on the surface of the desk.  
Even if he tried to see it in the most positive way, he still felt stupid.

_Yeah, I keep saying that I want to avoid him and that I feel uncomfortable, but he’s Hangyul. He’s much more than a coworker… Why did I write that?_

He groaned internally, hoping Hangyul would understand he was just joking and it really didn’t mean anything.  
They were friends and the younger was always the first one to initiate their bickering, surely he wouldn’t think too much of it right?   
_ You’re so right he had to get up and leave, idiot._

He tried to put on some music to avoid thinking, but it was no use.  
He could have hoped for Hangyul not to be upset, if it wasn’t for the fact that their fans had presented his roommate with the very same question. And the way he had crossed all answers…

_You said it yourself,_ he thought, _he always looks at you as if you puked rainbows. And even if he didn’t, he’s like so damn genuine and friendly all the time, of course he would check all options… even lover._

His brain paused at the last option given.   
Had it been anyone else Seungyoun would have found it cringey, but knowing Hangyul he couldn’t stop the fond, small smile that crept onto his face thinking about the way his eyes must have widened in bemused surprise at the sight of that part, before crossing it anyway.   
He groaned, this time not internally, resting his head on his forearms and swore to himself that he had had enough of it.

_I need to fix things_, He thought. _Fast_.

Seungyoun tried to understand what to do, but to be honest the more he thought the more he would just end up insulting himself for even getting to this point.  
He lost track of the time he spent staring at the wall in frustration.   
His head snapped, hearing the door of the room open.

He didn’t realise how much he had wanted to talk with Hangyul until he felt the wholehearted disappointment in seeing Dongpyo’s cute, duckling face dripping water on his doorstep.   
The small boy seemed to be taken aback by the sudden reaction of his hyung, a worried expression promptly appearing on his face.

“Are you okay, hyung?” He said in a puzzled voice.  
“Just tired. What is it, Pyo?”   
Seungyoun tried to put on his most tender smile, which wasn’t much of a burden considering how fatherly their maknae line made him feel on daily basis.

“We’re all done with the showers, Dohyon and I are about to wash up our faces, but the bathrooms downstairs are clear now.”

The older boy checked his phone before getting up to follow the Dongpyo.  
It was almost 2.30 am and fortunately they didn’t have any early schedules the following day.   
Stumbling with heavy feet he heard Dongpyo asking him once again if he was sure he was alright. Telling him once again that it was the toll of their hectic promotions and nothing more, he suddenly understood why their small diva never felt like washing up before bed.

Reaching their shared area just down the stairs he noticed how the TV was still on, now playing a different program.   
Eunsang was practically sleeping while seated, phone long forgotten on the nearby coffee table while Yohan was lying comfortably right in the middle of the couch, fingers intertwined across his lower belly, muscular legs extended. Hangyul, still very much half naked, had settled to seat on the floor next to his friend’s feet, his back on the couch and his head just shy of resting on Yohan’s thigh. As he walked by them he tried to meet Hangyul’s eyes in vain, but the way his neck stiffened told Seungyoun that his roommate had notice him in passing.

In the corner of his eye he saw Eunsang’s head drop softly and he knew he should be a good hyung and tell him to go lie on his bed, but looking at how comfortable the other two were he did nothing, unconsciously hoping that the presence of the younger, sleepy boy was in some way a deterrent for them to get even cosier.

*

The shower had woken him up, filling him with determination to get a grip on himself, stop being awkward and go back to his former silly friendship with his roommate.   
He had been strange to the point that Hangyul noticed and if he didn’t find a way to make things better he was afraid their friendship would suffer because of it.   
He needed to apologise, both for behaving in an unusual way and because of that stupid sticky note question.

_I’ll tell him I was stressed and didn’t feel like joking around as much, but now that we’ve debuted I feel much better._ He nodded confidently to himself in the mirror, drying his hair with a small towel. _And then I’ll tease him about seeing the way he crossed all options and then we’ll bicker and he’ll understand that I was just kidding about him being only a coworker._

Stepping out of the bathroom he felt a wave of fresh air overwhelm him, letting the steam from his boiling shower radiate for the smaller room into the hallway and through the apartment. Walking around in the middle of the night made him uneasy.   
The normally noisy complex was now fast asleep, leaving him alone with his thoughts and tribulations on how to tackle his relationship problems.

_Relationship. Relationship?_ He thought, not fully grasping whether it pleased him or disturbed him how fine the line was between happiness and confusion on what Hangyul made him feel. _Friendships are relationships, too. Friendly feelings are good and should make you happy. Stop over-thinking your emotions, Cho Seungyoun._

The tv was off by the time he made his way to the stairs and all the light were off aside from a thread of light coming from the slightly opened door on the upper floor.   
Walking by their room, he could make out Yohan’s breathing as he limped around his room trying not to wake Dongpyo.

There was nothing but calm and almost inviting darkness coming from his room, he thought slowly opening the door.   
Stepping in he noticed, not for the first time since they first moved in, that there was something in that room that was fully them.   
And yes, he meant both him and Hangyul.   
There was simply a strange dichotomy that somehow made sense.   
Their room smelled fresh yet raw. Like that laundry softener Hangyul enjoyed or his cool, breezy perfume and at the same time it smelled somewhat woody and earthy and sometimes citrusy like Seungyoun’s vast collection of perfumes.   
The kids compared its vibe to the one of a cafe, but to him it was more his chic love for aesthetics and recording studios mixed with his roommate’s warm and secretly soft heart that gave it a homely touch.

Getting closer to his bed, he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed.   
He had hoped that in the peaceful haze of early hours, confronting Hangyul wouldn’t have been quite as embarrassing.   
He tried to be as quiet as he could. Seungyoun barely saw a thing and he hoped the younger wouldn’t wake up if he turned on the small bedside lamp.   
He held his breath anxiously as he heard the other boy stir in his sleep behind him, only trusting himself to move after another few seconds of silence.

_Three to eight sounds nice enough for promotion activities,_ he thought, _Fortunately we don’t have schedules til 12.00 tomorrow._   
Taking a second to sum up how much sleep he could get, he quickly (and far too abruptly) pulled the covers of his bed to the side in order to lie down.

_Oh shit._

He had completely forgotten his bag was still on his bed, making far too much noise and scattering its contents on the floor.

_Was it always so heavy and full?_

“H-hyung?”

Seungyoun went completely still hearing the husky and sleepy whisper in the otherwise completely silent house.   
He wondered, had anyone been awake, if they too would hear such a hushed whisper so loudly in their ears.   
He heard faint rustling of sheets somewhere from behind and knew that in the yellow light of the lamp, Hangyul was now turned toward him, his drowsy gaze on the elder’s bare shoulders.

“Hyung?” He repeated just a bit louder.   
“I’m sorry,” he whispered back “Didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep, Gyullie.”

He turned around to see (although just barely) the tired form of his friend: heavy-eyed, covers up to his chin and a confused expression.   
No sight of the charismatic, sexy god everyone seemed to obsess over the past few days.   
Just a sleepy, small, cute Gyul.

He caught himself smiling thinking how much half of the nation wanted but didn’t get to see this very image.

Their eyes met and for a second he was smiling to Hangyul.   
His head snapped away, crouching down to gather his bag and the things that came out of it in the fall.   
There was a deep, joyless sigh; deafening to Seungyoun’s ears. He knew the dancer was about to speak and suddenly all his resolutions made in the shower crumbled to dust.

His brain went blank.

He quickly turned off the lights, deciding he’d put his things away in the morning and pretending not to hear the younger calling for his attention a third time.   
It was only a moment of darkness though, because the moment his light went off his roommate had turned on his bedside lamp.

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice was barely above a whisper, lighter than the air but still warm and deep like everything Hangyul.   
Seungyoun could clearly make out each word from the other side of the room.

He was aware that his laugh came out just a second too late to truly sound genuine, but he tried not to let his tone betray the sudden nervousness that took over him.   
“Hangyullie, why would you think that? Is this for that stupid sticky note, co-worker thing? You know that was just a jok-”

Hangyul stopped him right there, shaking his head. “What? No.” He said with a toothy grin.   
“I know you were just messing with the fans. I’d never get upset over that. I mean I guess it does make me look like I’m being rejected, but then again it’s just a sticky note.”

The younger stayed silent for a second. His grin fell just a tad and he took a deep breath, whether to think about what to say or to gather the strength to actually say it Seungyoun wasn’t really sure honestly.   
“It’s just… correct me if I’m wrong, but I dunno. I just feel like you’ve been avoiding me or something? I mean at first I thought it was stress, but Dohyon says you haven’t been treating him any differently and you still joke around with Yohan and even Seungwoo hyung. And maybe I did something wrong so if that’s the case I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Seungyoun hyung.” Hangyul laughed awkwardly every few words, visibly uncomfortable with the half-question, half-apology and the normally prepared idol didn’t know what to reply.

_It’s not you, please don’t apologise,_ He thought, _I’m the one who should be sorry._

He took a second too much to answer again and Hangyul beat him to it.   
“You know what? Forget it, I’m just being stupid I guess, haha. Maybe I’m imagining things. I just really like being your roommate and I hope you feel the same.”

He felt himself smile at the cute attempt to end the conversation, but before he could process an actual reply, the younger turned off the light leaving them in complete darkness.   
Seungyoun let a few minutes pass trying to formulate the right words to finally be as honest as he could, both to Hangyul and to himself.

“Never apologise, Hangyul. And never think it’s your fault, ever. I’m sorry I’ve been weird and I wish I had a reason, but I don’t know. Just… it’s not your fault and if we ever change roommates it will not be because I don’t like being around you. Because I like being around you. Always.” 

_Why wouldn't I like being around you? You make me smile all silly,_ He thought, _And I still don’t get why, but perhaps I don’t need an explanation. Not if trying to understand brings us apart or stops me from making you smile._

For a moment he wondered if Hangyul had fallen asleep as soon as he turned off the lights, because the only thing he could hear was his own breath and the ticking of the clock.   
Seungyoun turned the other way around, facing the wall and set on proving what he said with actions starting from the very next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest.   
I loved this up to yesterday night, now everything seungyul kinda makes me sad cause Seungyoun is not treating my lovely boyfriend right, so I either start writing new stuff or turn into an anti... still not sure which is more tempting.  
Anyways i hope you liked this!  
I'll try to finish all the other works asap but i'm afraid it'll take some time for now  
.  
.  
If you feel like slipping into seungyul-caused depression with me, share prompts or just wanna be internet friends you can find me on twitter @rant_stan_jdn // sunshinejade

**Author's Note:**

> if you got here, means you read it through, so thanks <3  
I hope you liked it!!  
I wrote this before the sudden rise of Seungyul in the past two days.  
It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I always end up word vomiting so now it's longer.  
It's been a while since I last wrote something so I wasn't sure about posting it, please let me know what you guys think!  
.  
also if you guys wanna be friends or anything you can find me on Twitter @sun_shinejade <3


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